My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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