Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
