if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
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I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
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So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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