So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
