you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
