New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
