so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
