i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
