i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
