How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
and she was petting her beer can
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
