So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
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Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
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Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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