...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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