i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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