@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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