and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
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she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
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It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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