Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
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Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
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I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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