It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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