if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
