Buhtt sex?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
