break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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