You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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