Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
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We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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