your room smells of hookers.
And success
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
