I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
