I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
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My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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