Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...