I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
