So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.