nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
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Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
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She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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