Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
