Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
