Is it because I queefed?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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