I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
