I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
