Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
