i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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