just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
