I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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