worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
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he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
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I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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