Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
