i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
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