i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
