thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
