When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize