I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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