If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
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It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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