The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
