i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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