No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
