good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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