Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize