Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
