I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I puked a lego.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
it was like eating out sand paper
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
