Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
