Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize