I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
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Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
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How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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