On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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