I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
True college students do jello shots in the library
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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