last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
