well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I stole a fireplace last night.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
