My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
