Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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