a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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