yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
